Words cannot possibly explain how pleased I am with the live action adaption of Rurouni Kenshin. I have legitimately rewatched the movie every night before I go to bed and the more I watch it, the more I fall in love with the story. Rurouni Kenshin has been a big part of my life, especially my childhood, and it has gained its own throne as my favorite show of all time. Nothing can or will ever usurp it.

Every day at dinner, starting from third grade, I was utterly immersed in the story. I was beyond obsessed and you could say I had my eyes surgically attached to the television. Eventually, the plot went in a more graphic direction and the animated show was then shown late at night. I fought against my body’s time clock and broke my curfew as much as possible to keep up with the new episodes. The last arc of the story was never animated and the show was cancelled, thus causing me to resort to reading the manga.

From images on a screen to paper, and finally translated into a physical reality, I remain astounded that the story that filled my childhood with much joy was no longer two-dimensional. I have always had a desire to see this story come to life. No matter how many times I watched or read Rurouni Kenshin, there was a sense of satisfaction, yet a yearning for completeness.

 

Creative liberties were taken with the movie and a new story was forged together with elements of the original story, combined with stunning visuals and a tremendously talented cast. The time and effort, along with love, clearly shows in this work and, it honors the nostalgic memories of Rurouni Kenshin fans while maintaining the spirit of the original. True to the story and refreshing, I can truthfully say that is an almost perfect live action adaption of an anime and I am beyond grateful that it happened to be Rurouni Kenshin.

From the simple blouse you incorporated into your wardrobe to the way you wore your hair in a loosely styled bun, it seems that your choices and the way you present yourself overall can constitute as indicators of your personality. People who may enjoy a wide assortment of music will have a select few genres as favorites that speak volumes about them. Not surprisingly, music can be seen as an extension of our identity, hence why people feel insulted when their favorite music artist is referred to scathingly.

Four Dimensions of Music Preferences:

• Energetic and Rhythmic (hip-hop/dance/soul/electronica/funk): Positively correlated with extraversion, agreeableness, political liberalism, physical attractiveness, and athleticism. Negatively correlated with "social dominance orientation" and political conservatism.

• Upbeat and Conventional (religious/country/pop): Positively correlated with extraversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness, self-esteem, political conservatism, physical attractiveness (self-perceived), wealth, and athleticism. Negatively correlated with emotional stability, openness to experience, "social dominance orientation," depression, political liberalism, intelligence, and verbal ability.

• Reflexive and Complex (blues/classical/folk/jazz): Positively correlated with openness to experience, "self-perceived intelligence," verbal ability, emotional stability, and political liberalism. Negatively correlated with "social dominance orientation," political conservatism, wealth, and athleticism.

• Intense and Rebellious (heavy metal/rock/alternate rock): Positively correlated with openness to experience, extroversion, athleticism, "self-perceived intelligence," "social dominance orientation," and verbal ability.

I typically listen to music that would be defined as "Energetic and Rhythmic." As of late, I have had a growing affinity for indie rock. (That would be under "Intense and Rebellious.") I suppose it is a sign of maturation.

I hope that when/if I am proposed to, it is a beautiful, amazing, romantic, special moment.

Life Update

Already, it is 6:19 AM and yet again, I have failed to sleep at a regular time. I am sure that as the year progresses, the workload from school and other activities will act as an outlet for my excess energy.

What have I accomplished so far? Finish one semester of school and begin a second one. Check. Get a job. (Got one within two weeks.) Check. Get an invitation from a honor society for "superior academic performance"? Wasn't expecting that.

I have yet to confirm my membership in the honor society. While I do recognize the benefits of joining one, I am worried about how much time I would be able to reserve for the honor society. I plan to attend the orientation and with that, I wish to tailor my schedule around school, work, and the honor society. I truly do not want to give up any academic opportunities.

So far, I have only taking courses that are required in my community college. Of course, I want to transfer into a school that focuses on/associated with my career interest, art. Now that I have job, I will have money. I want to increase the probability of being successful/skillful in art. Perhaps I will save money for an art program/classes. I believe I need to figure out which art school I want to be in enrolled in first though. Then, I could adjust my schedule and take units transferable to that school.

So many paths to take and ways it could branch out!

New Year's Day Car Conversation & Wedding Brainstorm

Mom: Out of all of you, I wonder which one of you is going to give us a grandchild! We all know Sophie-girl (our dog) can't.
Dad: None of them are going to even have a kid until they get married and I don't know when that's going to happen.
Mom: (laughing) I think it will be you or Adam (my little brother).

Since that conversation, I tried to visualize how my own wedding would be (if I were to get married). To some level, I see it as a great financial burden, yet at the same time, I think of it as a wonderful opportunity. It's really an odd mix of intimacy and public celebration.

What comes to mind is a gentle, yet romantic theme that utilizes as soft palette of white, gold, and pastel. I adore dresses Grecian in style with an interesting mix of delicate draping and an element of elegance. Considering my bust size, support up top is preferable. My bottom half is nearly four inches wider than my torso, fabric that does not cling to the body (especially my lower region) and flares out from my natural waist line is highly recommended.

As for my bridesmaids' dresses, I find bold, opaque colors somewhat gaudy and would prefer them to stick to colors such as ivory or rose pink. I recognize that in some weddings, bridesmaids can wear different dresses as long as they are in the same color. However, I feel that uniform outfits for the bridesmaids give a more "complete" or sophisticated attitude.

Many women look completely different with their hair in an updo. If the wedding is more formal, I might opt for a messy updo and it seems the most appropriate. Depending on the dress (how much skin is showing) and casualness of the environment, I could have my hair gathered to the side in a side ponytail. I adore wispy, layered hairstyles because it can maintain a degree of formality and appear interesting, yet striking in texture.

Additionally, a good photographer is a must! S/he must be able to move you and carry the ability to capture the emotion and sentiment within her/his photographs. Taking wedding photos the day of the ceremony will eat up a great deal of time. Taking them beforehand ensures that the photos turn out perfectly and, leaves more private time to be alone, take photos, and spend time with guests. Overall, stress levels will be lowered and by being relaxed, that will naturally translate into better photos.

Of course budgetary constraints are undoubtedly a major factor. Customization of dresses removes the factor of alterations and the dress could be tailored to suit my taste, which is helpful, especially if I prove to be a picky bride. Dress rental is another option. However, I would have to be extremely careful with choosing and dress care, and be quick as well as decisive.

The venue shapes the overall theme of the wedding and can set multiple moods, which range from ethereal, to luxurious, to quaint/rustic, and many more. I couldn't word this better: "From rainforests to beach views, rolling hills to beautiful gardens, chapels and beyond, wedding venues are home to the most picturesque backdrops for a wedding that you can find." They are able to accommodate to things often overlooked in non-professional venues such as parking and handicap access. Moreover, if a multi-purpose venue is used, it can become the site of the ceremony and reception, thereby eliminating the question of how guests will go from one location to the other. As a result, large hotels are favorable because discounted accommodations are made for guests and it can become a place to stay for out-of-town guests or act as a honeymoon suite for the bride and groom.

With a beautiful venue as your backdrop, you do not have to worry as much about decorations, which can be a major expense. Getting married in a garden? No need to spend hundred and hundreds on flowers. Also, if the ceremony and reception are close, decorations may be reused and transported with ease.

Weddings are an important chapter in people's lives and usually happen once. Therefore, preparation is important and can become laborious. At each table is a centerpiece. Cost-effectiveness should be integrated with creativity. Usage of unscented floating candles seems like a great choice.

 

Dimmed lights help create a romantic atmosphere, along with a beautiful arrangement of flowers. Lanterns of different shapes and sizes could be hung around and fabrics could be used as a decorative element, such drapery for the walls or ribbon adorning chairs and bouquets.

As with most celebrations, cake is needed! Monochromatic in theme, white cakes are like blank canvases that can be manipulated into a stunning confection, while preserving class and a sweet taste.

From start to finish, a wedding planning is a painstakingly intricate process. Placement and composition and, every detail and decision is essential. With the right team, you can accomplish your dream wedding. I am only 18 and far from getting married, but I know that in the future, if I do have a chance to get married to an amazing person, I would set my wedding as a moment in stone that I will forever cherish and remember.

Driving in LA

For a month, my friend and I planned to go to Los Angeles to visit Chinatown, as well as Koreatown. However, things did not go according to plan... Instead of my friend's cousin being the driver, I had to drive. Considering her consistently irresponsible nature, I am NOT surprised she did not tell him that he would be driver until that morning. His parents were using his car that day and as last resort, I had to drive.

Basically, he and his girlfriend opened the door of my car under the impression that I was driving. Then, my friend turned to me with a pleading expression and I sighed.

Having lived in a small city full of old people and little to no traffic, I was extremely overwhelmed to deal with so many aggressive drivers in Los Angeles. Although they did compensate me with money for gas, I still feel frustrated and find the situation unfair.

To give you a visual example, here are a couple of pictures.

Believe me when I say that driving there is FAR from fun. Cars are weaving in and out of lanes at a fast speed and motorcycles speed between the lanes of traffic, frighteningly close to the cars. The cars behind me nested in my blind spot and multiple cars (tried to) cut me off because the driver simply cannot wait in the long line of cars. Along with that, the traffic extends for a long while and the freeway splits, so changing lanes was quite a pain. That being said, avoiding the freeway/highway can be preferable.

Having gone to Chinatown many times, I know the places with low traffic density. As for Koreatown, that was another story. Inside Koreatown itself, never have I dealt with so many hostile Korean people! Along with that, the streets are full of potholes, so I had to be extra careful. Swarms of cars refuse to yield and when trying to make an unprotected left turn, I have to wait for a long line of cars. By the end of it all, I am in the middle of the road and have to turn on a red light! I yielded to old Korean people crossing the street before turning and in response, angry drivers behind me abused the honking feature of their car. Considering their road etiquette and disregard for traffic law, I am not surprised that they nearly ran over pedestrians...

I already hated driving before this and thanks to my encounter with LA drivers, I hate driving even more...

Behavioral Changes to Attractiveness

Several steps have been taken to become the person that I am now. No longer am I the person that I was in middle school. Out with the puffy bowlcut, unflattering clothes, and extreme introversion, and in with a medium length, wavy/straight hairstyle, different way of dress, and more extroverted attitude. Standing 5' 2" tall as an Asian American female, I have become my own person–a sense of identity completely separate from the Asian stereotype. That being said, my uniqueness and selfhood is something I will always treasure and has made me feel secure with myself.

Entering middle school, I was thrust into a new environment. While my elementary years were an ignorant bliss, I felt great anxiety in the next chapter of my life. I encountered different social standards from before. People were far more aggressive and socioeconomic barriers became obvious. I took longer paths to reach a destination simply because I did not want to be seen by many people. I was always afraid that I would give people the impression that I was a loner, so I used to ask people to walk with me EVERYWHERE around school. I did not know how to dress myself and gave up on myself appearance wise.

That began to change in 8th grade. I met a girl named Jennah. Thanks to her, I bought ridiculously expensive pants and random tops. Unfortunately, that was not the only awkward stage in my life .Entering high school was another strange chapter. Still slightly socially inept, I had a difficult time adapting to a school completely out of my area with much higher social standards. After graduating, I can truthfully say that I am glad to have gone to that high school, not only for its education, but for the lessons it has taught me on how to conduct myself in public.

Anyway, that is not the subject I want to touch up on. Becoming conventionally attractive has elicited many responses, both favorable and unfavorable. Being able to frequent more social circles due to better social acceptability/treatment is definitely a perk. Now able to smile and function daily in society, I am finally confident. However, there are some setbacks.

As an "ugly duckling," I did not face the problem of excessively friendly people. Unwanted verbal utterances constitute as harassment. Unwanted physical contact is assault. For some reason, I almost forgot that it was not normal for this to happen in daily life. For one, people always assumed I was a genius back when I fit the Asian stereotype. Now, people believe they have the license to insult my intelligence and make crude descriptions of my body. Although they are basically calling me attractive, I find the descriptions intensely disrespectful.

Another thing that I would like to add is the fact that some of my friends have been forced into sexual situations by males that they once saw as a (potential) friend. I will always remember this: My ex-best friend telling me about a boy locking her in his room unless she let him touch her body. I too have been approached by people that have had a sexual interest in me. When getting food before going to the Homecoming dance, a classmate of my friend from middle school decided to slide his hand around my waist. Rather than seeing it as flattering, I was disgusted and find the unwanted attention intrusive.

Of course, superficiality affects everyone negatively and I cannot avoid this type of attention altogether by going backwards on my progress. Regardless, people will choose to push against another person's boundaries, either to test him/her or ignore them. Whether it is pushing at his/her boundaries or being rude, shutting down someone's attraction to you can easily be done. Behavior that makes another individual uncomfortable should be stopped and it's a simple fact I forget.

Seasons

Shifting from clear, shining skies to an irregular, cloudy mixture of precipitation and wind, wafts of white fluff (in the sky) meld into a large mass of gray. Seasons drift to the next and fall begins, the stepping stone between summer and winter.

In fall, everything dies. Magnificently colored leaves descend, becoming a dance of red, orange, golden browns, and yellow. Instead of the delightful sunshine of summer, your skin meets cool and crisp air in the mornings, and the weather is absolutely unpredictable with its warm and cold days.

Eventually, fall becomes winter, winter becomes spring, spring becomes summer, and summer returns to fall. In an odd way, this shift in weather has always reminded me of peer pressure. It's like a never-ending cyclic battle of rebirth and death.

Nature is truly invigorating, as it is inspiring.

Mental deterioration in the form of crying follows a series of emotional onslaught. Salt drips and drips from the eyes and the hands rub at the face to hide all evidence of displeasure. Subconsciously, I imagine and convince myself that my face will turn raw and sore, resulting in splotches of dry skin and blood, and that my nose, being clogged up with wet snot, too will leave a trace of bleed. Uncomfortable with my sudden weakness and the violent imagery, I continue to rub and rub, bleeding and bleeding, and attempt to fix my contorted expression of depression into an empty facade... And in the end, all I see is a red gore smeared across the face.

Memories often seen as useless by others become a sentimental afterthought. They build and act as the backbone for romantic relationships. Love adds worth to an individual's quirky mannerisms and creates a sense of fondness or appreciation for experiences that may have been considered unpleasant in the past.

This reminds me of a popular Chinese song, "The Moon Represents My Heart" by Teresa Teng. In Chinese context, the moon is an indicator or symbol of love. It is believed that when you look at the moon, your heart is yearning for someone.

From full moon, to half moon, to crescent moon, to several moonless nights, to crescent moon again, then half moon, and finally full moon... the moon constantly changes from phase to phase throughout time, similar to love. At times, the moon may "disappear" and feelings may seem fickle or fleeting, but they always return, replenished and constant.

Irregularity of feeling is not love. If left that ambiguous, that person, give or take, probably was not a defining figure within your life. Either you know or you do not. Harboring romantic feelings for another people outside of the relationship is impossible; there should be no room for petty crushes. If I love someone, I should only see that person and no one else.

Oppression/mistreatment begets mistrust. That being said, it is believed that those put into an oppressed category develop what is known as Healthy Cultural Paranoia (HCP). Due to reinforced and consistent suppression, HCP acts as a "defense mechanism".

HCP is seen as a natural response or type of behavior to discrimination. Is it truly healthy to justify your fear of a certain social group?

I have seen many people blame "privileges" and other people entirely for their shortcomings and make incredibly ignorant comments about them, resulting in complete failure to recognize one's own inadequacies. Many people who carry this mindset ARE ignorant, hence why they make borderline racist, sexist, etc. commentary on society. Along with that, refusal to take responsibility exposes a weak character: an emotionally immature person plagued by insecurities. It is no surprise that they choose to reinforce their bigoted views with what is known as HCP.

Overall, HCP is a method of breeding and justifying ignorance. Can YOU really trust yourself to be impartial? To condone an inferiority complex as healthy is irrational. Principles are always diluted by emotional prejudice. It's best to be self-aware, well-informed, and careful with your words.

"An online community site recently posted this picture which is a compilation of the faces of top celebrities within Korea (left), China (center) and Japan (right)."

 Here is a compilation of famous female Asian, American, and European actresses (in that order).

If this is the generic look commonly seen as aesthetically beautiful, beauty must not be special. What sets a truly beautiful woman or (handsome) man apart from what is conventionally attractive?

Asian Beauty

One glance into the mirror and, all I see is an Asian face attached to an Asian body of an Asian female. Beauty matters. It is one simple fact that has rung loud and clear to me throughout the years. Day after day, people torment themselves with this simple question: "Am I beautiful?" Having been exposed to a media selling superficial values that capitalize physical beauty, it is not surprising at all to see negative repercussions, often in the form of eating disorders or endless hours being locked in the bathroom.

Comprising both a social overlay and a physical base for people, societal beauty standards do provide and incorporate a large social foundation. After primping all morning just to look aesthetically acceptable, you are rewarded with a positive reception from people in multiple shapes and forms, such as a helping hand when in difficulty or being approached by others in a friendly manner. Why not put the effort to look beautiful?

As an Asian American myself, I have always wondered, "What is ideal Asian beauty?" For most women, beauty is of utmost importance. Likewise, Asian women are flocking together to get blepharoplasty, rhinoplasty, and breast augmentation all to achieve double lids, a higher nose, and a larger bust. Asian women across the globe are whittling away at their round/oval faces and shaving their jawbone just to resemble the sharp bone structure of a Greek goddess. The aim is to look "naturally beautiful." In other words, to appear innately attractive with Westernized features because of race-based insecurities and in doing so, they betray their genetic legacy.

American Asian beauty and Asian beauty in Asia contrast with one another heavily. The first involves "sun kissed California girl skin" and a demeanor that is often perceived as more mature whereas the latter promotes a more youthful and natural look, lustrous hair, and porcelain white skin. However, the expectations of both worlds prove to be very limited and involve the Euro-Western physical characteristics that Asians usually are not blessed with.

Compare yourself to Asian representatives of pop culture. Do you look like any of them? Asian beauty has become so incredibly convoluted that we are left uncomfortably aware of how corrupt and narrow its vision is. Frequently bombarded with how I am absolutely failing these unachievable standards, I realize I will never be considered wholly beautiful by them AND the sheer impossibility of it all. Moreover, is it truly fair to measure Asians to a Euro-centric brand of beauty? Are Asians defined as beautiful or merely "exotic"?

By becoming more acutely attuned to the incredibly prohibitive parameters of Asian beauty, I have more clarity in the way I see myself. Beauty, of course, is subjective and we should be aware of how social constructs shape our understanding of it.

Comfortable Conversation

I wake up and dawdle throughout the day, shifting from scene to scene and event after event, silently waiting for an opportunity to converse with my best friend. When give that chance, it proves to be both a fruitful and uplifting social experience that elevates a normal day from just being another regular day. Never a case of being left "high and dry," conversation remains consistently pleasurable and simply flows, far from stiff, awkward, and forced. Time drifts away and as the night grows near, I mentally acknowledge and anticipate the ending to our discussion.

Cultivating and developing to a healthy relationship with an individual that I truly treasure... I realize what a gift this is! Before submitting into the body's demands for sleep, I ponder over occurrences and their causal circumstances–how they could be altered to create or negate a certain phenomenon. In the end, I reflect on my conversation with that person and how they could have been from beginning, middle, to end... "Should I have said something sweet?" or "Should I have spent more time focusing on his issues?" are questions I often ask myself. However, even if I am an ounce regretful for unspoken words, I realize I am pleased with the results regardless and there really is no room for regret!

I suppose this is what is amazing about this person.

Rarely do quotes or scenes from movies stay embedded in my mind. Considering my lack of a TV and visits to the movie theater, there is not much content to be derived from for that to occur more frequently. Perhaps that is false and that is just evidence of the sheer power or quality of a film. Maybe, it's both!

In the American drama film Infamous, writer Truman Capote conducts a research over a murder in Kansas for his book In Cold Blood. As a result, he establishes a close relationship with the convicted murderers, Dick Hickock and Perry Smith.

Later in the storyline, Capote and Smith develop a romantic connection, which then becomes an emotional journey that is both complex and heartbreaking. In Cold Blood is published after Hickock and Smith's executions, leaving Capote with a bittersweet aftermath, a masterpiece that became an automatic success and Smith's belongings (his artwork and a recording of him singing). Seeing physical evidence of Smith's presence of his life devastates and brings Capote into utter tears.

One of the characters stated a profound truth about artists: "I read an interview with Frank Sinatra in which he says about Judy Garland, 'Every time she sings, she dies a little. That's how much she gave.' It's true for writers, too, who hope to create something lasting. They die a little getting it right."

Ande Parks, the author of the graphic novel Capote in Kansas, crafted a biography, addressing a particular period in Capote's life and reintroduced the story of the Kansas murder. In an interview, Parks states that "[Capote] loved Perry [...] but desperately wanted to finish his book… something that could not happen until Perry was dead." It is also mentioned that "For Capote, the relationship with Smith was devastating. Although he did return to Kansas to see the men die, he was unable to watch Smith hang and fled from the prison. Also, although In Cold Blood brought him enormous fame and elevated his celebrity status into the stratosphere, Capote was crushed, to a certain degree, creatively."

To create a piece of art and experience the loss of love... that is a high cost. Hardship often translates into an artist's greatest works. I often find myself thinking about about that quote and how I would like be an artist of that caliber. My obsession with art tends to depress and motivate me. I want to vomit out the emotional essence of me, my pain, sadness, and happiness, and craft something so aesthetically beautiful that I do not believe I am capable...

Apathetic best describes my mood today–dullness of feeling, no high, no lows.

Suddenly, my thought process goes: "My life is going to be one endless stretch of dissatisfaction, punctuated by occasional crises, morbid obesity, and an odd curiosity for pop culture." So many sour faces out there, trapped in permanent scowls and racked by sorrow. It is often said that a woman's tragedy is that she becomes her mother. A genetic destiny. Of all things, that is what I fear most: becoming her shadow, following in the same footsteps toward a life marked by ill-feeling and emptiness.

Random Post

I would like to get this for my dog.

Songs that usually leave deep emotional impressions on us are attached to recycled memories. Loss is funny; when it occurs, life seems to make a 360 flip and changes from the inside out. Perception of the future must be reestablished. Eventually grief becomes acceptance and past memories then become useless. Healing seems like a slow extinction of your memories. The hurt is no longer raw as you forget that person's existence, their voice... so you do whatever you can to seize your memories, like calling out their name, but attempts fall short. It seems as though there is a misery to overcoming a depressive state in life or maybe it is all a part of being sentimental. Recovery proves how that person was nothing more than a phase in your life. Nothing important, yet when you listen to a certain song, you are sad, not because of that person, but because of the pain of that memory.

Some Advice to Myself & Others

Identity is essentially the distinguishing character or personality of an individual. We establish identity by the components we characterize ourselves by such as our social environment and blood relations. Through identity, people form a deep rooted sense of uniqueness and define themselves through self-reflection. 

Personally, I have always felt that people who associate tremendously with Western culture have a great sense of entitlement. Seeing themselves as a single person, they therefore foster to a mindset in which they see their issues as singular and only carried by him/herself. I have no intent or aim to undermine anyone's experience. If one sees him/herself as an individual entity, as opposed to to a fraction of society, wouldn't that person be more likely to act in his/her self-interests because s/he is unable to look through a broader lens (when it comes to life issues)?

How one presents him/herself in society determines that person's social status. Insecurity shows through appearance; take a look at body language or fashion. Being human, I am destined to be judgmental. I will look down on that person, as will everyone else, simply because that person has no confidence in him/herself. Embracing your flaws and being comfortable with WHO and WHAT you are will ensure greater happiness. Regardless of one's experiences, as they are not the same for all, they all have potential to be more enjoyable depending on state of mind.

In life, one will always be at an advantage, while the other is at a disadvantage. Multiple things in life will come and beat us down. Try to overcome them. Mistreated? Physical confrontation? Fight back. Rebel. Do not allow anyone or yourself to question your worth. Need extra support? Ask for help. Refusal to accept your circumstances and carve a path FORWARD results in failure to yourself. Surrendering ultimately makes you weak. The greatest method of combating people that aim to invalidate your existence is by being alive. Think life is hard? Live a little.

External influences do play a fundamental role in shaping one's mental strength, but they are not absolute. EVERYONE is capable of becoming emotionally strong. Moreover, enduring these issues act as preparation for the adult world. Change is still possible and shortcomings could be transformed into pillars of strength. Mistreatment will come in all directions in a variety of shapes and forms. It is argued that people are cemented to the roles of the strong and the weak, and that is partly true, mainly because there are people who fail (or feel no need) to develop a proper defense mechanism for stressful situations. Having no way of handling it, it undoubtedly kills them. Use them as an example. Do not follow in their footsteps.

I recognize that there are circumstance in which suicide is seen as acceptable, even necessary, but in the end, death is death. You are merely a corpse 6 feet beneath the ground. What have you proven? Death truly is a tragedy, but it serves as a reminder that we are only a guest on this planet. Make use of your life while you can. When someone passes away, it is a loss for the human race–potential ideas, possible human connections... However, there are thousands and thousands of people in existence right now. Give life a chance to become pleasurable. Do not submit to death and allow your death to just become a number.

All in all, I cannot say that I fully sympathize with people who resort to such drastic means. In life, some people truly do undergo a sense of disconnect both catastrophic and intense that they are unable to fully experience joy and love. Regardless, to give up on life is a heavy cost and it deprives an individual of various opportunities for happiness. The only one to blame for your death would be yourself and you are no martyr. Do not nurture to negative thoughts and emotions; ignore parasitic bullshit. Love yourself and remember you are worth it.