Seasons

Shifting from clear, shining skies to an irregular, cloudy mixture of precipitation and wind, wafts of white fluff (in the sky) meld into a large mass of gray. Seasons drift to the next and fall begins, the stepping stone between summer and winter.

In fall, everything dies. Magnificently colored leaves descend, becoming a dance of red, orange, golden browns, and yellow. Instead of the delightful sunshine of summer, your skin meets cool and crisp air in the mornings, and the weather is absolutely unpredictable with its warm and cold days.

Eventually, fall becomes winter, winter becomes spring, spring becomes summer, and summer returns to fall. In an odd way, this shift in weather has always reminded me of peer pressure. It's like a never-ending cyclic battle of rebirth and death.

Nature is truly invigorating, as it is inspiring.

Mental deterioration in the form of crying follows a series of emotional onslaught. Salt drips and drips from the eyes and the hands rub at the face to hide all evidence of displeasure. Subconsciously, I imagine and convince myself that my face will turn raw and sore, resulting in splotches of dry skin and blood, and that my nose, being clogged up with wet snot, too will leave a trace of bleed. Uncomfortable with my sudden weakness and the violent imagery, I continue to rub and rub, bleeding and bleeding, and attempt to fix my contorted expression of depression into an empty facade... And in the end, all I see is a red gore smeared across the face.

Who really cares?

Who really cares?

When I talk, What I feel, What I say

Nobody Not really

Who wants to take the time to understand

I would like someone to heal me with some empathy

I can't find

Nobody not really

Maybe I'm invisible to the world

Does anyone in the world even think of me?

As more than just a hopeless cause

Maybe the world is not my block, my stoop, my life, my dreams, my anything, anything

Who wants to help?

Mama but she's so tired

Papa but your not here

I'm alone in a big empty space

With nobody not really

I'm Sorry

I’m sorry I don’t have a 4.0 GPA. I’m sorry I didn’t take several AP classes. I’m sorry I’m attending a community college, the bastard child of the university. I’m sorry I’m not fat enough. I’m sorry I’m not thin enough. I’m sorry I am interested in being an artist instead of a doctor or lawyer. I’m sorry I don’t have a job. I’m sorry my brother is a fucking failure and I have to overcompensate for him. I’m sorry you didn’t abort me. I’m sorry my Chinese isn’t fluent. I’m sorry I was born into a poorer family than my relatives. I’m sorry for wanting to go outside. I’m sorry for not spending enough time indoors studying. I’m sorry I don’t spend enough time doing extracurricular activities. I’m sorry for not socializing enough. I’m sorry you think I’m a worthless member of society. I’m sorry for being ugly. I’m sorry for being superficial. I’m sorry I’m too dark. I’m sorry I’m still here. I’m sorry I enjoy having a sense of independence and individuality. I’m sorry for talking back. I’m sorry for getting angry. I’m sorry for hating you. I’m sorry for ever wanting to kill myself. I’m sorry for getting acne. I’m sorry I don’t sleep enough. I’m sorry I waste time doing homework at night. I’m sorry I don’t spend enough time with the dog. I’m sorry I waste too much time on friends. I’m sorry you don’t think my friends are sincere. I'm sorry you think my friends are worthless. I’m sorry you still think I associate with Jennah. I'm sorry for ever associating with Jennah. I’m sorry for not letting you control who my friends are. I’m sorry I got angry when you tried to spy on whatever I did on the computer. I’m sorry I got angry when you tried to eavesdrop on my phone conversations. I’m sorry for crying too much. I’m sorry for looking ugly when I’m sad. I'm sorry for sounding ugly when I'm sad. I’m sorry my accomplishments are too low for you. I’m sorry I don’t trust you. I’m sorry I lie. I'm sorry I speak my mind. I'm sorry for speaking the truth when you don't want to hear it. I’m sorry I hate you for your convoluted sense of righteousness. I’m sorry I think you’re manipulative. I’m sorry I’m too harsh with my words. I’m sorry you think my room is too dirty. I’m sorry that even when I clean my room, something is still seems out of place to you. I’m sorry you think my room smells even though the window is wide open. I’m sorry you think I’m stupid. I’m sorry you think I’m useless. I'm sorry my best is not enough for you. I'm sorry I don't try hard enough. I’m sorry for being sorry. I’m sorry I’m not sorry. I'm so sorry.

Memories often seen as useless by others become a sentimental afterthought. They build and act as the backbone for romantic relationships. Love adds worth to an individual's quirky mannerisms and creates a sense of fondness or appreciation for experiences that may have been considered unpleasant in the past.

This reminds me of a popular Chinese song, "The Moon Represents My Heart" by Teresa Teng. In Chinese context, the moon is an indicator or symbol of love. It is believed that when you look at the moon, your heart is yearning for someone.

From full moon, to half moon, to crescent moon, to several moonless nights, to crescent moon again, then half moon, and finally full moon... the moon constantly changes from phase to phase throughout time, similar to love. At times, the moon may "disappear" and feelings may seem fickle or fleeting, but they always return, replenished and constant.

Irregularity of feeling is not love. If left that ambiguous, that person, give or take, probably was not a defining figure within your life. Either you know or you do not. Harboring romantic feelings for another people outside of the relationship is impossible; there should be no room for petty crushes. If I love someone, I should only see that person and no one else.

Oppression/mistreatment begets mistrust. That being said, it is believed that those put into an oppressed category develop what is known as Healthy Cultural Paranoia (HCP). Due to reinforced and consistent suppression, HCP acts as a "defense mechanism".

HCP is seen as a natural response or type of behavior to discrimination. Is it truly healthy to justify your fear of a certain social group?

I have seen many people blame "privileges" and other people entirely for their shortcomings and make incredibly ignorant comments about them, resulting in complete failure to recognize one's own inadequacies. Many people who carry this mindset ARE ignorant, hence why they make borderline racist, sexist, etc. commentary on society. Along with that, refusal to take responsibility exposes a weak character: an emotionally immature person plagued by insecurities. It is no surprise that they choose to reinforce their bigoted views with what is known as HCP.

Overall, HCP is a method of breeding and justifying ignorance. Can YOU really trust yourself to be impartial? To condone an inferiority complex as healthy is irrational. Principles are always diluted by emotional prejudice. It's best to be self-aware, well-informed, and careful with your words.

"An online community site recently posted this picture which is a compilation of the faces of top celebrities within Korea (left), China (center) and Japan (right)."

 Here is a compilation of famous female Asian, American, and European actresses (in that order).

If this is the generic look commonly seen as aesthetically beautiful, beauty must not be special. What sets a truly beautiful woman or (handsome) man apart from what is conventionally attractive?