Where do I stand in most of my relationships? Here and there, I have established sincere and solid connections, unyielding to the time that has passed. Nearly all of my bonds with people though, are rather weak and vapid. Almost worthless.

Best friend seems to be an honorary title. Friend becomes a synonym for acquaintance. Where does my loyalty lie? I find the ties between me and my best friend ruined with the stain of her selfishness and reckless irresponsibility. We are so close, yet so far away. At this point, I have given her up. I could drop her and walk away from the cherished friendship we once had.

I desire intimacy, while repulsed and repelled from deepening those relationships. I always feel like I am clinging shamelessly to someone and once I have served my use as another stepping stone in their life, s/he will let go of my hand and I will disappear into obscurity.         

I’ve fallen out of love with a lot of people. I don’t care. Many people regard my unaffectionate and reserved nature as strange. Sometimes though, I think it is the complete opposite. I felt and cared so much, and being misused by close friends has made me numb.

Expecting their guidance and warmth, their interference only complicated my issues or it was a disappointing lack of a response. Their misguided support, however well meaning, has made me feel more alone in my problems.

I don’t want another best friend, who will leave me without knowing it.